Comedy

Editorial : Oh Man! We Just Don’t Want Your Sex

Comedian Zahra Barri discusses how men have been reduced to just sex objects.

Men aren’t getting the best press of late. This is a shame because we live in a Patriarchy, if Men crumble, society crumbles. And if society crumbles then we go back to living in Thatcherite Britain.

When I look at a man I think ‘sexual assault’. They’re just sex objects to me now.
We must do something about men’s reputations otherwise society faces a huge loss. We can’t lose 49 per cent of the population, I mean that’s like losing almost all the people that voted Brexit. What happens if they all go to prison? (Men, not Brexit voters). How will we ever open bottles of water? And think of all the plants that will die from being spunked all over because men are too afraid to spunk anywhere else.

I don’t think men are that bad. If we got rid of them my friends and I would have nothing to say to each other.

The only way of saving men from downfall is to live non-binary. A society where sex becomes unimportant. Like in a long- term relationship. If we make gender irrelevant then we achieve sexual equality. It would mean that ‘men’ don’t get the blame for sexual assault, ‘people’ would get the blame.

The End of Feminism -Halleluiah!

If we go genderless, Feminism will end, which will make everyone really happy. Everyone hates Feminism. I tried to be a Feminist once but the ideology is flawed. Feminism is like Communism, it’s a nice idea but it’s unrealistic and ultimately it will lead to dictatorship. So, lets transcend gender. Let’s take down the Patriarchy (society) and the Matriarchy (Keeping Up With The Kardashians). Feminist and Disney Princess Emma Watson campaigns with the slogan ‘He For She’. I campaign with: ‘Not He, Not She, But We’. Let’s live androgynously, like a Toni & Guy model.

Bit radical? I’ve always been forward thinking, even though my Arabic family are backward thinking because they read from right to left. I’ve urged for non-binary since I was 14 and failed French because I mixed up my masculine and feminine adjectives.

‘This chair doesn’t want to be defined as feminine. It just wants to be a chair and live like a chair.’

If anything, its male because it wants to be sat on.

We’re all an androgynous effeminate masculine transgender mix of Boy George and testosterone and the combined contraceptive pill. I identify as a pansexual tomboy who watches Sex N the City. There’s no need for separation, I’m mixed race, I’m a symphony; a hybrid, why can’t I be mixed sex too? However, I draw the line at unisex toilets, (with Trump on that), because men can be PRETTY gross in there. There’s one place for unisex toilets and that’s on Ally Macbeal. Now, she’s an advocate for non-binary with her androgynous figure. She’s enviably/worryingly thin. Women would kill to have a boyish size zero waist, why, the Fashion world is already non-bi.



Why are guns for boys and barbies for girls? You can have both.
A gun in your pocket and a Barbie on your arm-that’s the American Dream.

And why are beards for men and tampons for women? Women in my family have beards and the men like to stick tampons up their noses.
We should come together. Like Theresa May said. ‘Come together’ she urged, (but still Brexit).

I think you’ll agree that coming together is the number one goal in most relationships.

Like the transgender community advocate, we can homogenise gender through language and use of pronouns. Like I said, I say ‘So many PEOPLE have been accused of sexual assault in Hollywood’ instead of saying ‘so many men have been accused of sexual assault’.

It works with other subgroups too, instead of saying ‘so many Essex women get a vajazzle’, say ‘so many people of colour (orange) get a vajazzle. ‘

There’s no need for subgroups that campaign for their equal rights, like Feminists or Black Rights Matter groups if we all saw everyone as the same.
The director of the ‘Get Out’ said that part of the problem is that not enough of the mainstream/non-oppressed, believe that there is any real problem. As with Feminism people think that they’re imagining ostracization. The first step of recovery is admitting that we have a problem. We need to stop denying that injustice is happening.

And so, kudus to the Daily Mail recognising that certain groups of people DO get ostracized from opportunities based on the colour of their skin and/or gender. After Theresa May picked her female heavy cabinet and outraged, they ran with this:

‘Massacre of the middle aged white men.’

I was thrilled to see The Daily Mail supporting groups that have been disadvantaged by mainstream society. One reader commented:
“A woman’s place is in the kitchen but that doesn’t mean she’s in charge of what she puts in her cabinets.”

Men are a minority-just 49%, we need to show them the support we give other minorities.

The reader expressed angst about men’s future in Politics. Yet with the wave of sexual allegations that this marginalised group are currently facing, it’s not men’s future in politics that we should worry about but their future in general.
That’s why it is integral to stop treating men like they are an entity laced in a stereotype of sexual abuse and skid marks. Let’s see them as people and not just sex objects.

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